LAST TRIP FOR THE NIGHT

Lynn gathered her thoughts as the sticking wheel of her carryon mocked her. For years she turned scraps of partial truths into murals of a normal life – one where people didn’t care to ask questions so long as you flattered them, and here she was again. 
 
Returning home after her haughty diatribes about small town life and mundane pleasantries was almost humbling. This wasn’t her first time back, but despite managing to stay away for years, it had summoned her, nonetheless. 
 
“Hi, what have you been up to? I’m fine, I was just in the neighborhood, and figured I’d stop by if you’re free. Is that okay?”
 
Forcing down the tightness in her throat accompanied by what would otherwise be a quivering voice audible through the phone receiver, she arranged to meet with Perry by the end of her call. Perry, not unlike her hometown, was someone Lynn had sworn she’d left behind, but somehow, the two had a stronghold. Lynn never worried whether Perry would say yes. In fact, Lynn couldn’t recall any instance where Perry had denied her. For once, Lynn sort of hoped he’d say no. Perry never complained to Lynn about her sometimes outlandish requests, but Lynn knew what he was thinking. He had a bad habit of showcasing his emotions on his face. 

Lynn had long ago ruled out masochism as a possibility for Perry’s accessibility; it wasn’t a longing for pain that led Perry to adhere to Lynn’s every beck and call. Since their childhood, there wasn’t an improvement project that Perry wouldn’t take on – Lynn was merely his most frequently visited one. Whatever it was, it often worked in her favor. Lynn constantly promised Perry that every favor would be paid back, and he always refused. If there was one thing Perry was proud of, it was his humility. 
 
Lynn wondered who Perry would be if she didn’t exist for him to compare himself to. Maybe he’d finally realize that there was nothing special about him either.   
 
Seeing Perry’s slightly dented car pull up at the passenger pickup was a nagging reminder of how often they’d done this dance. 
 
“Hey, stranger! What brings you out my way?” he asked in the typical upbeat way that Lynn always found slightly irritating. She pretended not to hear the prompt and plopped into the passenger seat as he gently placed her single carryon in the trunk. Gritting her teeth and leaning into her neediness, she tried to steer the conversation in another direction.
 
“I just got assigned a new story. It’s about this start-up company for this app that allows people to create their own websites straight from their phones.”
 
“Doesn’t something like that already exist?” he asked almost answering the question with her own response. 
 
“Well, not quite. So you know when you normally go to create a website via desktop--
 
“I’ve never done my own website.” Perry’s curt reply signaled an abrupt end to what would continue to be a dead-sided conversation. 
 
The silence grew deafening, and Lynn wondered what to do in situations like these. Maybe start discussing politics, current events, pop culture—anything to take attention away from the inevitable questions which were soon to follow. She settled on talk radio – resorting to the thoughts and opinions of others when incapable of creating her own. 
 
The D.J.’s voice murmured in the background as she fumbled with the contents of her purse. 
 
“Since when do you listen to talk radio?” he asked almost impressed with the maturity it implied. 
 
“Since I started working for NPR, we have to stay up on current events. Actually, I’m only in town for about a week of vacation, then I have to fly to San Francisco,” Before realizing it, she was crafting detailed responses to anticipated follow-up questions. Perry looked over at her with what appeared to be the budding greenery of relief. Relief that Lynn wasn’t back to old habits, and the thought that she had finally conformed in the ways that everyone did at that age.”
 
“Look at you! That’s crazy, you’ve been trying to work for a big name since forever, and here I am still trying to make a name for my own fledgling brand. Maybe we can get some discounted ad space?” he said in an inquisitive tone.
 
“Well, so long as you don’t put your foot in your mouth while I’m in town, I might see what I can do,” she said impressed with her own genius. 
 
With the new opening in the conversation, Lynn took every opportunity to provide Perry the details he wanted to hear – that is all the fabricated details minus the real reason she was back. At times, Lynn pitied Perry. She wondered what it was like to have that level of naivety, it couldn’t possibly lend itself well. Since childhood, Perry had been a constant in her life – forgiving, understanding, and always extending himself to others, not unlike his mother – Lynn’s godmother. Lynn faulted this weakness as the reason for both of their stagnation. She despised that part of him, the blind optimism that led him back into communication with the same trashy women she hated, all while his mother gave him terrible advice to work it out. Freeloaders flocked to him, and despite Lynn’s constant warnings about these offenders, Perry always found himself on the receiving end of a bad deal. It was almost pathetic to watch him, even now. He had to know Lynn couldn’t be telling the truth, yet he chose to humor her. She’d often wished that someone would expose her, finally end the charade she’d struggled to put up over the years, but like Perry, everyone fell short – they were pretending too.  
 
When they arrived in front of Perry’s apartment, familiar envious feelings tugged at Lynn. What type of suffering did he overcome to justify this type of life? A modern courtyard with strategically placed fountains spat at her in disgust as Perry gathered the luggage from the car. An ostentatiously printed, brightly colored carry-on that Lynn had claimed for herself from the airport lost and found several months back was placed onto the sidewalk.
 
“Be careful, please, that bag was super expensive,” She urged hoping to solidify her spot next to him in unspoken competition. 
 
The inside of Perry’s apartment surpassed the outside. Stainless steel appliances polished to perfection, modern light fixtures draping over a large dining room table, and a view impressive enough for an executive suite boasted of Perry’s success without his assistance. Perry had always dreamt of what success would look like, and he had finally found it—at least in some respects. Perry had been the official owner of his loft for just under a year and sometimes wondered whether it was a worthwhile purchase. The building was surely a sight to behold, and the seclusion of his living space was enviable, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if he was too isolated from reality—a world outside where skid row was just around the corner. On calm nights, it poked at him.
 
“There’s a guest bedroom and bathroom through there and on the right. Make yourself comfortable,” He instructed. 
 
Lynn looked around the spacious set up for a beat, and for a second, she was happy for him. “Thanks. I remember right before I left for the city, I was looking at this place—too much crime for me, but I’m glad you’re comfortable here.”
 
Ignoring the comment, Perry jumped to a topic of interest. He knew that everyone would want to know why Lynn had returned, and a simple “I don’t know,” never sufficed. He’d often found himself at the head of the table during the unending debate about Lynn’s livelihood. 
 
“One week vacation is great for the middle of the year. I guess things do slow down for everyone around this time, even for big time journalists, right?” he forced a laugh to disarm her. She ignored his shallow attempts at humor.
 
“Yeah, after I leave here, I’ll be flying to Miami for the rest of my vacation. I figured I would visit you and see what you’ve been up to. Maybe we can go out somewhere tonight,” Lynn wanted to eat her words, but she knew Perry relied on these empty gestures – he loved having the right of first refusal, which he ultimately always did. 
 
“I don’t know, I was actually working on something for our meeting on Monday. You’re welcome to check it out if you want, it’s pretty cool —"
 
“You know what? I forgot, that won’t work, I told Gloria that I was in town, so I’ll be meeting up with her tonight instead, sorry. Where’s your bathroom again?”
 
Lynn was already growing tired of the banter as the slight joy of seeing Perry had long departed. Standing in the bathroom mirror, she fiddled with the spreading dark circles underneath her eyes. At the age of 34, she was losing her shine – or so that’s what everyone thought. She could tell even if they never said it aloud. Once the object of every man’s desire, years of dealing with them and their baggage had begun weighing her down. 
 
A formerly baby-faced woman, Lynn knew that even her time was limited. She longed to live a life of glamour full of carefree excursions and expensive wines, but she always found herself back here, looking into his mirror that she wished she could break. 
 
As Lynn looked around the bathroom, her irritation grew. Even Perry’s guest bathroom was draped in expensive décor – paintings that Lynn was familiar with from magazines she’d taken from waiting rooms. 
 
“This is a nice place, when I first got to D.C., I stayed at a place like it. It had a concierge though. What does rent go for around here nowadays?”
 
Perry, irritated by the prying question made the split decision to answer, “Around $3,000 give or--
 
“$3,000?! For this tiny place?” Lynn clutched an imaginary string of pearls in disbelief. “You’re getting robbed, Perry. I can help you look around. I know how to spot the good deals.”
 
“Oh, okay,” Perry responded, retreating from the conversation to gather linens for Lynn’s uninvited stay. 
 
Handing her a towel and washcloth, Lynn took the signals that there’d be no further discussion of finances. 
 
“I’m going to bed. If you need anything, call me.”
 
Perry shuffled back to his bedroom, leaving the door cracked. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was hoping to find out, but he hoped that perhaps it would make itself known. As the clock flashed midnight, he succumbed to exhaustion having stayed up far past his normal bedtime. 
 
In a haze, Perry awakened to a clock flashing 3:00 a.m. to the sound of shuffling. “She could have at least turned the T.V. off,” he thought to himself. Awakening and standing slowly, Perry slid his feet into his Sherpa lined slippers and drug his feet to the door only to stop. 
 
Through the cracked door he saw Lynn burrowing through his medicine cabinets, frantically examining each bottle of pills. Opening and closing them in search of some unknown treasure. Perry stood frozen. For years he’d wondered to himself why she was this way. In their high school years, he’d come to admire Lynn, at least somewhat. She was the rebellious, unabashed teenager that adults feared, and her peers followed. There was nothing that frightened Lynn, not failing out of school, and certainly not the likelihood of rejection from overpriced universities she’d eventually forget she applied to. A true visionary who was more concerned with her art than anything, Perry knew that Lynn would be the one who made it. He knew he’d see her somewhere big – maybe Manhattan, or Miami, somewhere unique. Her passion was undeniable, and even though Perry was celebrated in his own right as an excellent student, he couldn’t help but envy her audacity. 
 
In truth, Perry never wanted to pursue computer science, and moving to Silicon Valley was his silent form of rebellion. If he had to be a “genius”, he might as well ride the wave of up-and-coming start-ups desperate for diversity. But after two short years in the tech world, Perry realized that everything wasn’t as it seemed. His coworkers tolerated him, his roommate ignored him, and all the while, his phone calls home mentioned none of it. His parents were so proud of him, he couldn’t dare tell them that everything people promised would come with this life was a lie. Who really cares when the rich whine? 
 
Now back in his hometown, he found himself trying to recreate the pseudo-intellectual paradise he’d just left. And while once again he was celebrated for his accomplishments, giving back to his community, who could he tell that it was more for him than anyone else? Whether it was back home or in Silicone Valley, Perry knew that he’d never want for anything again – that was motivation enough. 
 
The crash of pills falling into the sink brought him back to the present. Here was Lynn, living her past on repeat, still the teenaged rebel he once admired. He knew it wasn’t his job to watch after her, and Lynn’s father would’ve never outright asked him, but it was understood. Perry felt it’d be selfish not to. 
 
“What are you doing?” he asked finally opening the door fully to see a stunned Lynn with a bottle in her hand. She quickly replaced the bottles to the rightful position while avoiding eye contact. 
 
“Oh! Hey, I was looking for a sleep aid if you had any. I’m still kind of jetlagged, and I can’t stay asleep.” 
 
“You already put it in the corner.”
 
“Oh, sorry, I’m still groggy, I didn’t even realize it, thanks. Sorry to wake you up.”
 
“Lynn, what’s the issue this time? Money? Is that what you’re looking for? Something you can sell? Because you’re not gonna find anything. I’m still doing well, I don’t need that stuff anymore.”
 
“I wasn’t looking for that. I just told you what I was looking for.”
 
Perry didn’t intend for the conversation to turn this way, but relieved at the opportunity to break the façade of normalcy, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to interrogate her – regardless of where it would lead. “No, you told me what you think I wanted to hear. How long are you gonna keep doing this? I already told you I can line some things up for you, but you know what you have to do first. I can’t put you in a position that you’ll abandon a week later.”
 
Lynn’s tone changed from panic to that of irritation. She had been caught in the act before, it was something she could handle, but being accused drove her mad. 
 
“I’m not having this conversation with you at three in the morning. I told you what it was already. Now, you can believe it or not, but it’s not gonna change.”
 
“Well, can you at least tell me why you’re here? You can’t possibly be going on a week vacation after this with so little luggage. I can’t help you if you don’t give me something to work with.”
 
“Who said I need help?!” The only thing I wanted to do was visit you for a day or so, and here you go assuming I asked for help. Can you explain why any time you seem me you think I need your help? Are you okay with me being okay? Nothing else going on in your life so you assume the worst about mine, huh?” 
 
Perry recoiled at the idea. “You’re a grown woman now. I’m not trying to help you for me, I’m doing it because I’m sick of seeing you struggle. It’s getting old!” he yelled. 
 
The two of them grew quiet and stared at each other. Through all the formalities and constant competition between Perry’s perceived life and Lynn’s imagined one, they’d finally gotten to the same dead end they always hit. 
 
“Hmm,” Lynn Smirked with raised eyebrows. “Well, don’t worry about me. I’m just gonna get my stuff and go,” Before Perry could respond, Lynn had turned off the bathroom light and returned to the guestroom. In that instant, the familiar feeling grew in the pit of Perry’s stomach—guilt—the kind that always stopped by unannounced, and with good reason considering that its arrival remained consistent. 
 
Perry stood speechless, almost expecting Lynn to change her mind, or even beg for his forgiveness, but she never did. He retreated to his bedroom, annoyed by the sudden interruption of his rest. He wondered to himself about where she’d head off to so suddenly in the middle of the night without warning and wanted to plead with her to stay, but he didn’t. Once Lynn had made up her mind about something, there was no going back.
 
In the living room, Lynn, hurriedly gathered her limited belongings and prepared for her departure, but not before listening for Perry’s stillness before continuing. Once she had heard what she’d believed to be snoring, Lynn reignited her frantic investigation of the immediate area. Lifting jars, cups, and quieting the jingling sound of keys, Lynn hoped to uncover some hidden or forgotten belongings that could help her get to her next destination. Lynn tipped over a small candle to find a folded stack of bills. Without counting them, Lynn, hurriedly removed the bills from under their makeshift paperweight, stuffed them into her purse, and headed towards the door. 
 
Hearing her last steps, Perry watched Lynn from the shadows of his bedroom door silently, turning on his heels and fading into the darkness. ​

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